Willa just left. I sit here empty. No emotions. I can't cry tears, but I can't even express how I feel. I know this was the right decision. It just isn't one that I wanted to make. Willa was my companion. My little angel in disguise. My "fierce protector." She is now with a loving family who lives 45 minutes away. I couldn't have asked for a better environment for Willa. They have a farm with chickens, geese, two dogs, a cat, bunnies and now Willa. Willa will live indoors with them. They have two daughters, one who is 15 years old and belongs to 4H Club. The other daughter wants to be a cosmetologist. The man and woman came over around 5 PM and immediately I was comfortable with both of them. They talked about their love for animals and how they always wanted a potbellied pig. I have been deciding on trying to find a home for Willa for so long now that this just felt right even though it doesn't feel good to have to give up yet another thing in my life. I just don't understand why I can't get a break. No breaks. Is this a true test from God? Shouldn't my test have ended a long time ago? Like, maybe after the first stem cell transplant? Or maybe after the second stem cell transplant? Or how about when I found out my estranged husband closed out all of our joint accounts on me? I don't know. I'm exhausted and weak and tired and sad. Tomorrow I have to get up really early to go to Boston for my check-up to be reevaluated and to see the opthalmologist for my eyes. I hope I don't have to be admitted again. I'm not packing a bag so I'm not going to jinx myself. If I get admitted I probably won't have access to the internet again!! But I'm counting on coming back home.
Tired, weak, sad, ........